A Dance through Grief

 

Finding My Way Back to Life is Like Tango

Gerry and I met tango dancing and we became avid dancers.  We had a passion for each other and for the dance.  

As tango goes….at first, you think you can’t do it.  You try a few times and it seems too hard, therefore you want to give up. You learn the steps and try to execute them, but you find you can’t or you do them awkwardly.  Your feet stumble as you take the steps.  You ask yourself, why can’t I do this?  Yet, you are determined and keep trying.  Why? Because there is something in you that desires to succeed.  You are drawn to the beautiful dance and you want to partake in it.  The same applies to your life’s journey.  At times it looks and seems hard, but deep down you know it can be beautiful and you want to play a part in it. It’s the same with the dance; you must continue to take the steps and move forward.  

To become a good tango dancer you must have good balance.  You must be able to stand on your own axis and not put all your weight on your partner.  Isn’t that what we must do now that our loved one is gone?  We must learn to stand on our own and begin to make decisions and choices alone.  In tango as you stand straight you are grounded and carry your own weight which allows you to move more freely.  It is the same for you on your grief journey.  As you stand on your own you create confidence in yourself and eventually enough strength in your ability to survive and eventually thrive!

Close your Eyes!

Teachers often tell the followers of the tango leaders to close their eyes while dancing.  I know it sounds scary, but I did it often. I did so because I wanted to be led and allow the dance to flow into its most beautiful expression.  It could only happen when I relinquised control.  

I understand that the Ego never wants to let go of its control, but when you desire to become a better dancer you must.  When you do so you allow yourself to trust.  You must trust that the leader will keep you safe and guide you.  For me, this is a metaphor for my journey throught grief.  I realiezed that survival meant trusting something greater than myself.  I began to trust my higher self, the divine that lives within.  Once I did, my steps were no longer awkward.  I learned to let spirit guide me the same as iI did  with dancing; and then I could glide smoothly.  Yes, there are bumps and always will be.  Not every tango is performed without mis-steps. Yet, it still is a beautiful dance.  It’s an expression of two souls connecting.

I spent 14 years in the arms of Gerry creating beautiful dances and I believe that the dance is not over.  He is phyicaly gone, but the feel of his embrace and his gentle guiding me along will always be with me. I know that this dance through life can be beautiful again.  I live trusting and believing in it. I had to do it before after my husband Steve died by suicide in 2005.   It’s a journey that takes time but as the first year anniversary has come and gone I can reflect back and know that I am making progress and the love that guides me will be with me eternally.

May you also begin the dance of living and loving life!

Click here to read an article about our dancing.

Click here to watch tango videos.

P.S.  Some of you reading this have gone through your healing journey and feel that you are in a position to help others but don’t know where to start.  Start here at the Grief Healing LLC where you can be trained to become a certified grief healing coach.

Love and light,

Robin Chodak