Who is your master?

When you think about grief do you think about it as a master? Probably not.  But, you must understand that it does have the intention to master you if you let it. So how does grief become your master?

If you’re reading this you have probably experienced grief at different levels and different times in your life. Some of you are like me; you lost someone you loved to suicide and it’s the worst grief you have ever experienced.

In 2005 my world came crashing down on me when I found my beloved husband Steve dead on our basement floor from self-inflicted gun shot wounds to his head.  I didn’t think I would ever recover.  In fact, I thought seriously about joining him. 

But something stopped me.  It was a divine intervening presence telling me it wasn’t my time.  I have a purpose and that is to spread my message of “Love Life After Loss.”  I do it with my speaking, teachings and writings.  You may not know it yet, but you too have a purpose.

So how did I get to this understanding?  It took years of processing my grief and changing my thoughts.  

Shakespeare is a genius!

One day the words of Shakespeare found their way to me and I couldn’t deny them;   “Anyone can master a grief, but he that has it.”   They were my epiphany.  I realized that grief had become my master.  The result was that I was acting in ways that were not my true nature and I was making choices that didn’t help me move forward.  In fact, they moved me away from my true essence and kept me stuck and caused more pain. 

So I asked, how do I not let grief master me?   It meant that I had to find a way to not have “IT”.  That began my quest to learn how to not have grief. 

So how do you do it? You don’t just wish it away or brush it under the covers.  That doesn’t work.  I had to make grief my friend.  It’s sounds absurd, right?  

But think about what a friend is; they will be by your side through hard times and they want the best for you.  Grief wants that too…it wants you to take it by the hand and walk with it everyday as your friend.  Each day, you must listen and let it became your greatest teacher.  

If you do you will learn things about yourself that have been pushed deep down in side of you. Grief will help you bring them to the surface and you will begin to understand your feelings, and then you can feel them. After you do that you can finally let them go.  

Who is your master?

After doing that for years, I told grief that he was no longer my master.  Once he understood this, he relinquished control of me.  And that is when I could begin to live again.

In fact I am doing much more than that!  I am actually loving my life.   So think about these things and don’t let grief win.  Let it do its job and then say good-bye and realize you are your own master.  

Doing these things is not to say that you will never have grief again.  That is not true, grief experiences may come again to you.  But you will be in a better place because you will know how to make it your friend and do the grief work.  

If you feel stuck, then grief is mastering you.  I want to be very clear, letting go of grief is not letting go of the love you will always have for your loved one.  Living your life is not a sign that you have forgotten your loved one.  Loving your life is actually honoring your loved one.  This is what they desire of you and you deserve this.  If you truly want to learn to love your life it is possible.

If you don’t believe this yet; don’t worry, you can and I am here to help you.

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Love and Light,

Robin