Mother's Day may be tough for you! - Robin Chodak

Mother’s Day may be tough for you!

mothers day

Mother’s Day in 2020 due to Covid-19 is certainly a different experience than in the past. Yet, it is still a celebration honoring the mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society.  It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, most commonly in the months of March or May.  Today is a day to be celebrated.

But, sadly, not everyone is feeling filled with joy, especially those of you who no longer have your mothers with you or who have lost yours to suicide.  

A mother plays a special role in life.  She is the nuturer and caretaker. She is often the one to pack your lunch, wash your clothes, tell you bedtime stories, plan your birthday parties etc.  Her absence is especially profound if this is the first mother’s day without her.

If you are a father of a wife who died, this is a hard day for you as well. You are mourning your wife and at the same time you try to keep the family unit together.  It’s a heavy burden to carry.  

Holidays are never the same when there is an empty seat at the table. The emptiness fills the room with sorrow.

So, what can you do to get through the day?

These are some helpful tips for you. 

1) It’s important to honor your mother in the role she played as “mom” and not define her by how she died, especially if it was suicide.  Negative connotations still surround suicide and it can be portrayed as a sign of weakness.  It is not. It’s important to make the distinction between the two. 

2) Remember it becomes easy to indulge in too much alcohol and food to ease the pain of grief. The key is to be good to yourself. Go ahead and have a cookie or a drink, but don’t go overboard. It’s important to enjoy yourself, but love yourself enough by limiting your intake. 

3) If you were the person who always bought a gift for your mother, then perhaps, you can think about buying a gift for another person.  Maybe someone who was like a mother figure to you, or anyone who made a positive impact on your life.  If you don’t feel like shopping at all that is OK too.

4) Perhaps you had a special tradition you always did with your mother or child on mother’s day. It can be daunting to not experience it. One way to cope is to create a new tradition or set aside quiet time just for you.  

5) It’s important to spend time with people who know you are in grief and who will validate your feelings. Don’t be with people who expect you to ignore your pain.

6) If you must cook, or bake try to make the process as pleasant as possible. Play uplifting music, light a candle or invite a friend to help you. 

7) Help someone else if you can. Giving a gift or doing a kind act for someone is always uplifting to your own spirit and sense of wellbeing.

8) Take care of your body and spirit by doing some exercise on the day, even if it is only a 15-minute walk, this helps to release the endorphins and will keep your mind alert and calm. 

9) Last, but not least, if this is the first mother’s day without your loved one please be gentle with yourself. You will most likely experience emotions that you haven’t had before. Use this time to create new memories and new traditions that you can carry with you next season. Most importantly let others give you the gift of love and comfort.

 

 

In love and light,

Robin Chodak

Certified Grief/Life/Spiritual Coach, NLP and Reiki Practitioner, Mindfulness Medititation teacher

Books:

“3 Must Have Connections for Inner Peace”

“Be Gentle with Me, I’m Grieving”

“Moving to Excellence, A Pathway to Transformation after Grief”

Robin

I am a woman on a journey of recovery after the suicide of my husband in 2005. It has been a long voyage, but I was able to create a new identity and find happiness again after much hard work. I hope that I can help you along this path, too.

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