What is purging and grief?
What is purging? What I refer to as” purging and grief” is about letting go of your loved ones things after they have died. It’s not an easy task especially when your loved one died by suicide. I remember doing it after my former husband Steve died in 2005. The act itself seemed so pathetic as I sat on the floor with a black plastic garbage bag ready to dispose of his clothes. Grief overwhelmed me as I smelled each one of his garments one by one that once touched his body. I breathed in his essence one last time before I filled the bag.
Have you put purging off?
I put that daunting task off for a long time, but I knew purging had to be done especially since I sold our house. In retrospect, the cathartic release was a necessary step and it helped me gain some closure. It made me realize Steve was never coming back physically and it moved me forward with my life. I had to stand on my own two feet and begin to make decisions alone.
Many of the clients I coach are in the same position. They must do the purging of their loved ones things. It’s a gruesome task, but when you have someone that you can talk to about it who has experienced it, somehow it helps. What I tell my clients is that you only need to do the task once and then you are finished! Many of the difficult things surrounding suicides are of that nature. It helps move you forward knowing you have completed that job and you won’t need to revisit it.
I believe purging things from our life in general is a good thing to do every year or two. I like to go around my home and especially into my closet and decide if what I have is serving a purpose. You can do the same for the clothes in your closet. Look at each item and ask is it something that makes you feel good when you wear it? If not, ask yourself why do you keep it? Clutter does not lead to serenity.
What is serving you?
Do the things in your home bring you joy? Do they serve a purpose for you? These are also good questions for those items related to your loved one. I knew that I couldn’t continue to have Steve’s things glaring me in the face everyday. It didn’t move me forward and kept me stuck. Yes, I did keep some momentos, but what is most important is the love that I have in my heart is intangible. Love doesn’t take up unwanted space or invoke pain. The emotion of love is expanding and joyful.
After Steve died I reduced my life to 5 boxes. I know it sounds strange, but my clients have heard it and my friends and family know it. Doing so allowed me to start a new existence and create a new identity. It’s important to consider these things after your loved one has died, because everything has changed in your life.
Ask yourself, “do you want to feel less burdened by material things”? Do you want to create a new identity? Then it’s important for you to begin to make some changes.
Remember no one can do this for you. Only you can! But once you do you will be proud of yourself and acknowledge the strength that’s living inside you.
Remember, I am here to help!
Click here to start the process.
In love and light,
Robin Chodak
P.S. I know some of you reading this have gone through your healing journey and feel that you are in a position to help others but don’t know where to start. You are in the right place: Start here at the Grief Healing LLC where you can be trained to become a certified grief healing coach.
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Certified Grief, Life, Spiritual Coach, NLP Practitioner, Reiki Practitioner, Mindfulness Meditation Teacher
